Breakthrough Parenting Online

Sammy (age 11) chronically loses his homework, can’t find anything in his messy room, forgets to do his chores and really just wants to watch TV all day.  He’s gained considerable weight.  He complains and whines when his parents get on him to do better.  His grades in school are miserable.

What Would You Do?

• Tell him what a lazy slob he is.
• Threaten him that if he doesn’t do better he will have all his privileges taken away.
• Put him on a diet and make him exercise.
• Teach him organizational skills.

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EEEEeeeKKK!  He already knows he’s a lazy slob and is living up to the idea.  Don’t encourage him to continue to think this way.  Well, that didn’t work before and it won’t work now.  It is illogical consequence to a very real series of problems that need to be solved.  At age eleven, the time to stop this behavior is NOW!  He’s a sixth grader and in middle school he will be very unprepared.  His disorganization is a life script for failure.  It is his parent’s job to teach him the life skills he needs.

Sammy has a set of very serious problems all related to fixable issues.  What is the ideal final result that you want from this situation? 

• He learn Grandma’s Rule, work before play.  He can play or watch TV after his homework is done, as well as his chores, which includes keeping his room picked up.  A weekly schedule makes sense.
• Sammy develops a routine for doing his homework and returning it to school on time.  That he keeps track of assignments and learns how to do them in a timely way.
• He stops whining, now!
• He maintains his room in an orderly way.  This means that he has a place to study where his books, pencils, pens, paper; everything that he needs is kept handy.  His clothes are picked up, bed made, etc.
• Sammy integrate into his way of life good habits that he can build a successful foundation for his life.

Parents need to focus on logical consequences.  In order to accomplish this, his parents need to work with him to make win/win agreements, which means that he participates in, buys into and agrees to.  This can be accomplished with I-statements, receptive listening, Catch Them Being Good, and follow through.  There is no television show or other activity that is more important at this point of Sammy’s life than to develop good habits.  He needs to exercise daily, if he isn’t getting exercise at school, how about organized sports, which will teach him a lot more than television, will.  Take all junk food out of the house. 

Tell him what whining is and say that no one likes it.  If he wants something he needs to use a regular voice.  If you hear him whining again that you will ignore him until he can speak correctly – and do it!  This behavior will stop quite quickly if you do this.   This is an example of discipline by teaching and then following through.